Commentary: Criminals not Complaining

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Alicia Chamely
By Alicia Chamely

For Immediate Release

Robbers and Murders Union of Trinidad and Tobago Thankful For World Recognition


YEAH on behalf of the Robbers and Murders Union of Trinidad and Tobago (RAMUTT) we would like to tank all dose who helped us, achieve de honour of being ranked the sixth most criminal country in de world by the World of Statistics.

Firstly, we want to tank our Minister of National Security Fitzgerald Hinds for not understanding his job. Yeah, he eh wrong, it not for him to create crime fighting plans, but like he forget is his job to push for dese plans to be made and to push for legislation to be enacted to support dese plans.

He forget is he job to make sure all de branches of national security working effectively, police, army, coast guard… all ah dem. And bredren, I aint have to tell yuh, none of dem working right.

We not complaining nah! Allyuh could leave dat man right dere, is like he wukking for us, not all yuh.

Plenty of tanks to de justice system. Tank you for never addressing the corruption in the Police Service. Tank you for never providing them with crime fighting and detection tools dey need to catch us. I could leave all meh damn DNA and fingerprints over everything and allyuh still cah catch my tail.

And bless up to de courts for frustrating all de lawyers in de DPP office, so all dem leave and now allyuh lacking staff. Tank you for de corruption you also allow to fester, files go missing, witness disappear, easy bail, all yuh making dis simple.

Iz not only the Ministry of National Security dat needs tanks nah, is plenty of dem.

The Ministry of Education for not studying we when we drop out of school young young. For not catering to children who not academic and not making accommodations for chile like we, who needed to learn in different ways. We does have talents yuh know! Not all pen and paper talents but watch nah, Scratch could tell yuh how much a of brick of cocaine worth by juss watching it, Dezzie real good wit he hands and could saw off shot guns like a boss.

So, tank you to de Ministry for not finding ways to channel these talents into constructive trades but rather make us feel duncy cause we doh fit into allyuh kind of education.

Plenty tanks to the Ministry of Social Development and Family Services, for never empowering none ah we, for not having enough counsellors, and just for allyuh general ineffectiveness in dealing with people in need. Food card cah fix a lost youth from a bad family life and de cycle of poverty… now neither cah de gang but we can make dem feel like dey belong, like dey important… food card and grant cyant do dat.

Shout out to de Ministry of Sport and Community Development for also jus wasing people time… Allyuh really feel a basketball game and some stony, football field full of pickahs go stop dem youth men from coming all we way?

So truthfully, dis honor is really ours and de Governments. Wit out dey failure we could not have thrived the way we did.

Now before we conclude RAMUTT would like to address sometings. We hear people calling to bring back hangings and our response is, bring dem back partner, yuh cah hang us if yuh cah catch us! Allyuh cah be serious, due to our damaged thought processes we doh necessarily see de value in life. Tretening to hang we, doh bodder us.

We hearing allyuh bussiness want guns to protect yourself. Alright, when de boyz and dem show up at yuh business and you pull out your pistol, jess know is one of you and four of we and thanks to de open borders we have dem high power rifles we getting cause, between Customs & Excise and Coastguard, Juan Pedro sending plenty for we…(shout out to Fitzy and de Ministry, is blessings upon blessings). So pull yuh trigger, we go pull ours and we eh fraid blood shed.

All dose who vex loss! Is we country now! Watch all yuh Prime Minister doh even have nuttin to say and he go continue having nuttin to say cause he fraid de truth. And de truth is, all allyuh in Government PNM and UNC made tings easy for we, cause none of allyuh want to do de hard work to fix crime incase it vexate yuh long sleeve and tie wearing friend or it go cost yuh votes.

In conclusion, dis honor, of being named the 6th most criminal country in the world is really ours to share wit de Government. Witout the Government failure we could not have thrived the way we do.

And to all dose out dere dat seeing crime and aint saying nuttin or benefiting in some way or another, tank you too! Criminality cannot be achieved without societies negligence and apathetic indifference to the corruption and violence around dem.


Rudolph “Gunman Goldchain” Jones de 3rd.

President of the Robbers and Murderers Union of Trinidad and Tobago



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