Commentary: Forgive Me My Tithes

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Forgive me Lord, for I have lived a life misled.

I have long wasted my gift of gab and long believed prosperity was earned through hard work. Thank you for sending me Pastor Vinoworth Dayal for he has shown me that the path to riches has always been through You and the hoarding of tithes.

Therefore I have decided to serve You and myself of course and start my own church. The Church of Jesus Is Awesome where I can preach in Gucci sneakers, that my congregation has placed on my tired feet.

Have no fear though, I shall ensure my members are also treated to the luxury I have preached so hard to afford. I shall offer salvation to all those who come and offer counselling and confession in the backseat of a Mercedes S Class, because one must be comfortable when transitioning from a sinner to a saint.

All baptisms will be done with Evian water, only the purest water for the purest souls. And while I cannot guarantee my own acceptance into heaven, I will be able to guarantee that while on earth, I’ll be living it up in Your name as intended.

Just kidding! Please don’t smite me, but you can understand how I interpret this entire situation as both hilarious and most infuriating.

Hilarious, because this dude expects us all to believe he had $29 million in tithes just laying around and then panicked when he realised he was in possession of so many old cotton $100 bills to change to the new polymer-based ones.

Hilarious, because he almost seems insulted by the fact that people are asking questions, that he is being asked to be accountable…I mean how dare we! After all it is Satan who wants to make him famous right?

Infuriating, because his actions have cast doubts on all pastors, many of whom use their tithes to help the most needy members of their congregation.

If we take religion out of the situation it would appear that here we have a man who has been given money to do good but instead has hoarded it for purposes only known to him.

Sadly Pastor Dayal hasn’t been the only person to bare his teeth this week.

Also baring her teeth, but doing so behind red lipstick, was this servant of the people, who couldn’t care if you and your children are starving to death, if you aren’t a fan of red, NO FOOD FOR YOU!

Toco/Sangre Grande Member of Parliament Glenda Jennings confirmed what we all knew, food cards and other items of relief are only distributed to the most faithful. Faithful to a party of course.

When asked about it, Jennings was more aggravated that she was recorded rather than being caught playing favourites among her constituents. Much like Dayal she displayed a certain type of arrogance and disregard for accountability. I mean again how dare we question her?

It’s no secret that this is what all politicians do, whether it’s through food cards, hampers, housing, grants and such. It’s reprehensible and frankly it’s a true dumb dumb move.

If you are looking to be re-elected, why not target EVERYONE! That’s right, be the Mother Theresa of your constituency. Give to EVERYONE, do your job properly, take care of those who put you there and those whom, may not have voted for you, but if taken care of, may put you back where you want to be. Change their minds, be the bigger better person. Duh.

I guess long term planning isn’t really Jennings’ strong point.

But back to you Lord. Please give me the patience to deal with these fools around me. I simply cannot understand why this foolishness continues to be tolerated.

And why! Oh why couldn’t people just say no to murder! I mean come on!

(Alicia will be in penance for the rest of the week and asks all would-be murderers to please refer to last week’s article, because we have seriously gotten out of hand.)

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