How a Parent Dealt with Bullying

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Alicia Chamely
By Alicia Chamely

A YEAR or so back, I noticed a shift in my daughter’s behaviour. She became extremely self-conscious, a little withdrawn and woke up most mornings with a “stomachache.”

After much prodding and poking, she explained to me that a classmate was, for all intents and purposes, bullying her. The trend of “roasting” had become a thing in her class and being a generally gentle child, she had been singled out by the “main roaster.” As such everyday she was being dealt below the belt comments that were funny at first, but had begun to sting.

It took a lot not to allow my intrusive thoughts to explode during our conversation, all of which involved me serving some prison time, but we created a plan of action.

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She didn’t want me to make it huge deal, I explained to her it was and despite her protests I would let her teacher know what was happening in her class. That was my duty as her mother. I also sidetracked and may or may not have said, if her teacher did nothing, I would burn the entire place to the ground.

The second part of our plan was for her to stand up for herself, let her bully know they weren’t getting to her. We practiced the slow clap, the “wow, does telling me that make you feel better about yourself” and the “I am not the one.”

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The next morning, we set our plan into action. Her teacher was responsive, and she did speak to her classmate. So naturally I was excited to see how the “stand up for herself” part of our plan went and well…

As she got into the car that afternoon and the tears came thundering down. You see my girl used all our “you aren’t getting to me” lines, saw how they were working, got drunk on power and dominance and flew too close to the sun. I believe the tipping point was when she called them a… how do I say this…a licker of scrotums. Naturally, she was reprimanded by her teacher and for a child who had never gotten into trouble that was the end of the world.

Feigning off laughter, because I mean homegirl went from zero to hundred, I told her I was proud she stood up for herself, but she took it too far. In that situation, she turned into the bully.

She took the feeling of have power of over her peer and used it in a cruel way. She deserved the trouble she got into and I hope she learned her lesson.

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That child never messed with her again and she never messed with them again. Three lessons were learned, tell someone, stand up for yourself and don’t become a bully in return.

But with teenagers, its harder. Neurologically they are still developing. From a psychological standpoint they quicker to internalise their peers’ opinions of them, they attribute criticisms to their overall personality. If you have a teenager who is being told they are worthless every day, they will adopt that belief.

Studies have shown bullying can have severe effects on an adolescent’s mental health, that can carry over into adulthood. A depressed, defeated teenager, if not treated, will grow to be a depressed adult or one who themselves becomes a bully.

Bullying has evolved, it’s no longer just happening in the school compound or at social events. It’s online now. There is no escape, no safe space. Your bully is messaging you, posting to your social media and ridiculing you online to thousands of strangers, who surprise, surprise quickly join in, because there is no consequence, and everyone is a big bad wolf behind a keyboard.

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This is where we need laws. We need legislation that not only deals with in school bullying, but online as well. We need legislation that prosecutes those engaged in severe bullying. There needs to be consequences, and getting expelled or suspended is not a real consequence.

That’s just throwing a damaged child into the wild and hoping they grow up by the grace of God. They need counselling, they need to do community service, they need to see the damage they have done.

We need more mental health and social service programmes in our schools. While some people are just bullies, because they can be. Some people are bullies because they themselves are victims and they need help.

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Another thing is, we the adults of nation, need to look at ourselves. We need to watch how we speak to our children and those around us. Our leaders need to get a damn grip of themselves, because each sitting of parliament is like a gathering of bratty ten years olds picking at each other.

As a society, we need to learn where we draw the line between picong and bullying. We need to do this because we need to set a better example for our youth.

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