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Commentary: Cuckoo Covid Conspiracies

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By Alicia Chamely

LOOK around folks! Our Government is stripping us of our freedoms! Making it law to wear a mask in public is the first step in forcing us into a system of complete Governmental control!

Our movements have already been limited and now we are being made to cover our faces, cover our mouths, stifle our voices!

I shall not go easy into this night! I shall not be wearing my mask! Because wake up sheeple, it’s all a lie!

Got ya!

I know I have some screws loose, but not loose enough to go QAnon and develop a severe mistrust of all things “mainstream.”

I will be wearing my mask in public in accordance to the law. In fact, despite its flaws, I think it was an excellent move by the Government in its efforts to slow the transmission of Covid-19.

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So what was with the sheeple business?

The pandemic opened the gates to a flood of conspiracy theories, some new and some old. They range from mildly believable to one flew over the cuckoo’s nest-type crazy.

Being a predominantly rational human being, I regularly roll my eyes at conspiracy theories and question the people who buy into them.

However, being an inherently curious person I dimmed the lights, turned off my cellular data, put on my best tin foil hat and willingly swam through the swampy waters of Covid conspiracy.


‘Conspiracy theories are like puncheon. In small doses they give you a good laugh and some fun. Too much and you’ve entered the danger zone.’


 

After scouring the internet, I have compiled my favourite and decided to rate them in terms of crazy on a scale of one to fivecuckoo birds.

Be educated sheeple!

China And World War III: Oh China, the nefarious land of the Orient. Despite what the “mainstream” says, the Covid-19 virus was genetically engineered in the Wuhan Institute of Virology with the sole purpose to be released as a weapon of economic mass destruction.

The pandemic was orchestrated by the Chinese Government in efforts to cripple the US economy, which under the Trump administration was slowly wriggling free of its grip.

Additionally, the virus was also meant to weaken the US military forces, allowing the Chinese army to surpass it in strength and size.

That’s right folks, China started WWIII without even firing a gun.

Ranking:  Two out of five Cuckoos. I mean it’s out there, but it’s tethered to earth and hasn’t quite shot out into orbit yet.

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Bill Gates Is The Devil: Don’t let that charming smile and adorable grandfather glasses fool you; Bill Gates is behind the pandemic.

The Covid virus was developed and released by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to cull the population and implement a system of forced vaccinations.

The great Covid -19 vaccine will be strategically “discovered” by the Gates’. Thanks to their vast financial power and influence over all Governments, being vaccinated will be mandatory.

This will allow for the implanting of tiny microchips that will be inserted under the guise of this life saving vaccine. These microchips will not only track our everyday movement, but will have the ability to harvest our DNA. Our DNA will then be mapped by Microsoft and used to create super computers capable of controlling the minds of humanity.

Ranking: Five out five Cuckoos. Who doesn’t love an evil genius, but I wouldn’t put my money on Bill Gates. If you are looking for a billionaire tech guru hell bent on global domination, I would focus on Jeff Bezos. Something isn’t right with that guy.

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The New World Order and a Cashless Banking System:  Like the Bill Gates theory, this too centres on the pandemic being planned and forcing the population to be microchipped.

The New World Orders plan is to use these microchips to implement a cashless banking system. The implanted microchips work as a virtual wallet and all that needs to be done to pay for something or be paid is to allow for it to scan over the implant site.

This system allows for a global cryptocurrency whose value will be determined by a group of powerful Satan worshipping bankers. Through their control they will create a social caste system where the poor will always be poor and the wealthy will hold infinite power.

It should also be noted that these microchip implants where predicted in the Book of Revelations, whereby humanity shall have the mark of the beast forced onto them. Mark of the beast in microchip form, how despicably sinister.

Ranking: Six out of five Cuckoos. Bahahahahahahahahaha! That is all.

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Conspiracy theories are like puncheon. In small doses they give you a good laugh and some fun. Too much and you’ve entered the danger zone.

Believe what you will, but when the information contained in these theories becomes harmful that’s where we have a problem.

Covid-19 is real, it can be dangerous and no the Government isn’t trying to suppress your freedoms.

Unwrap the tinfoil hat, step away from your computer and just wear your damn mask.

 

 

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