My Little Daughter Uses the F Word

“If I spent my time smoking crack, getting into street fights, being disrespectful, spitting on police cars and stealing, my children will adopt this behavior.”

By Alicia Chamely

MY six-year-old daughter used the “F” word this week.

She said, “What a f-ing bummer man.” And I nearly died. Rather than shout at her, I calmly explained we don’t use that word and please do not say it again. Then I walked away into the bathroom, where I hysterically laugh cried.

I laughed because it sounded funny as hell coming from her.

I cried because I felt like a terrible mother and was 101% sure she learnt that from me. It’s not a secret that I am not opposed to using some questionably colourful language; however I am generally smart enough not to use it in front of my two small children.

Maybe she heard me on the phone or talking to my husband, I am not sure, but this tiny incident forced me to reflect on the example I set for my children.

While mostly positive, I can guarantee they have seen some unbecoming behavior of mine.

Children learn what is acceptable and what is not acceptable from the figures of authority in their lives. They learn right from wrong, the value of discipline and how to interact with others in a civilized way through example.

If I spent my time smoking crack, getting into street fights, being disrespectful, spitting on police cars and stealing, my children will adopt this behavior.

Instead of only me being a garbage human, there will be three garbage humans who will go on to create more garbage humans and so on.

We Trinbagonians are quick to label ourselves an undisciplined society. It’s why we can’t have nice things, it’s why if we are given an inch we take a mile, it’s why we lack respect for our surroundings, it’s why we are disrespectful to others, it’s why we can’t open a single door in the pandemic, because we literally cannot contain our unruly behavior.

As Trinbagonians we are all guilty in one way or another of this behavior. If there is a short cut to take, we take it. If there is a loophole, we will wiggle our way through it. We are famous for having our “contacts” in Government offices, especially the Licensing office and boast of essentially cheating the system.

Truth be told, our behavior is a result of the example that has been set for us from day one.

Our leaders, be they Government officials, community leaders, law enforcers or political activists, have and continue to set a pretty piss poor example.

It’s ironic actually. They always jump up and down about ending corruption, then we learn of them in acts of corruption, for which they are rarely, if ever punished.

Then we wonder why there is so much dishonesty in our communities.

We have United National Congress Senator David Nahkid calling the prime minister a “house negro.” A few years back at a Peoples National Movement’s family day we saw a skit play out where a gorilla tore a sari off of what was meant to be a UNC supporter, which  was disrespectful to not the Indo Trinidadian community but to women in general.

Then we wonder why we have no respect for one another.

We have a prime minister who talks to us like a pack of idiots every Saturday. We have an Opposition that never learned to wait its turn to talk and regularly throws tantrums in Parliament.

Then we wonder why we talk down to others and have no decorum.

Every election we are supplied with hampers, “contract” work, food cards, special grants and big promises of prosperity without the hard work, in order to win over our support.

Then we wonder why we are such a “gimme gimme” society.

Perhaps our leaders need to stop blaming each other and other outside sources for the state of our people. It’s time they come to terms that they have encouraged these issues and take responsibility for it.

Reversing our learned behavioural culture is no easy task. Frankly, it won’t be a fun one, but I do not think it is impossible.

Now more than ever our younger generations need to see a better example. They need to see the type of behavior to emulate that creates a better people and a better nation.

So as we evaluate our way forward, we need to include the development of our people from a behavioural and moral stand point. Because no matter what grand plans may be in the works, a nation’s success will mean nothing without its citizens pride and respect behind it.