Below is the first of two interviews, the second with the opposition leader will be published Sunday.
THIS week I had the honour to sit down with our prime minister.
As we gear up for elections this August, I used this opportunity to get to know him. To try to understand the person and not just the politician. It was interesting to say the least.
Incumbent Prime Minister Prof Kurtis Christian Rowlings
Me: Good day Professor Rowlings, I want to thank you for agreeing to talk with me today.
PKCR: You didnât give me much of a choice did you? Your emails and phone call were getting on my nerves. I was sure that if I didnât respond youâd end up outside my house.
Me: (chuckles nervously) UhhhâĤstill Iâm grateful. Firstly Iâd like to say I think you are handling the Covid -19 pandemic quite wellâĤ
PKCR: You might be the only one. I swear everyone thinks I am just plotting to shut businesses down and starve people to death. No! I am trying to save us from collapse. I asked people to observe social distancing and wear their masks, save their own lives. Nah, we Trinis ent doing dat. I donât understand! Why! I just get so fed up! No matter what I say or do, Iâm the bad guy. Always the bad guy!
Me: I understand your frustration. I think the issue might be in your delivery of things. I personally appreciate your buff-up tone, but I donât think a lot of people do.
PKCR: You think I want to buff people up? No I donât! But we are so hard headed here. Also itâs just how I talk. I tried making jokes a few times, you know about golf courses, but it didnât go as planned. My wife and daughters held an intervention; they pretty much informed me I am not funny. It hurt I wonât lie. I always thought I had a comedic streak.
Me: Really?
PKCR: (Stern face: no response)
Me: You referred to yourself as The Bad Guy is that how you feel as Prime Minister?
PKCR: Listen, nothing I do is good enough. According to some people I wake up every morning and go âahh yes what can I do today to make peopleâs lives harder?â Do you know how hard it is to run a country!? And sometimes I swear I am dealing with a pack of naughty children! What more do people want from me!
Me: Erm..
PKCR: Wait I know what I can do to make everyone happy! Eliminate all taxes, have the Government pay everyone a CEOâs salary and declare every Friday a public holiday! Sounds amazing eh? How will I pay for it? Simple, Iâll go shake my money tree! Happiness for everyone!
Me: Oookay. Well letâs shift away from Government for a while. Tell me what does Professor Kurtis Christian Rowlings like to do for fun?
PKCR: I used to like to play golf. But then APPARENTLY that just made me more of a bad guy, so I had to give that up. Because you know, no one cares about my happiness! Luckily I managed to pick up rock painting.
Me: Rock painting?
PKCR: Yes, I find rocks. I come home and paint them. Itâs incredibly soothing. I have them displayed at home. I am rather proud. Maybe when my run in politics comes to an end Iâll do it full time, hold an exhibition and what not.
Me: Sounds good, maybe Iâll buy a rock or two! Ha ha ha! So how confident are you that will come out the winner of the 2020 election?
PKCR:Â Confident. (Stares at me blankly) Ring! Ring! Oh my phone is ringing, looks important. I better leave and answer it. Urm it was nice meeting you. Good bye and all that.
Disclaimer: The above interview is purely fictional. One name has been changed to protect the author from party diehards who fail to understand satire and have no sense of humour.
See Alica Chamely fictional interview with the opposition leader below:
