Children Will Test Every Nerve

 

THIS week, while paying for something, I was asked if I had a Trinidad and Tobago Association for Retired Persons (TTARP) card.

Aghast, I was! The rage that was seething within me drowned out the offender’s apologies, which went along the lines of the mask, she didn’t look at me, yeah, yeah.

Truthfully all I could think was, “Damn Motherhood did me wrong.”

Six years ago a tiny little girl was savagely pulled out of me with a pair of forceps and rapidly placed on my chest, covered in goo and slime. She looked like a sucked mango seed and she was absolutely, beautifully, perfect.

Thus my journey into motherhood began. A journey in which I had no map and everything I thought I knew was wrong.

As I am writing this, I have one child that I have to keep reminding to pay attention while she is in online class and another who is talking me to death while sitting in a suitcase.

Suitcase child also has the uncanny ability to make every room he ventures into look like a bomb went off. Home school child has seemed to develop a permanent case of PMS.

Children are testers. They will test every nerve. They will explore, they will break, they will never shut up. All you can do is breathe.

Today, on the eve of Mother’s Day, I chose to reflect on some of the lessons I have learned along the way.

 

 

Patience

Do you know how long it takes for them to do simple tasks, like put on their shoes? Forever! Getting in the car? Forever! Telling a story? Forever! It’s annoying. It’s engagingly annoying. It makes me insane. But guess what? That’s children for you. They are still figuring life out… slowly and annoyingly.

Patience is something I never had, but man have I learned. It’s breathing through my teeth, its clenched fists and coming to the realisation that my children are just as frustrated with me as I am with them.

They are little, they are dumb about how things work. Once you remember this, you’ll be okay. By okay, I mean you may find yourself hiding in a cupboard crying, but at least it’s not sitting in a padded room singing Baby Shark.

 

 

Privacy is overrated

Being at home with two small children during a pandemic has taught me privacy is a luxury. Nowhere is safe and nowhere is sacred.

Sometimes the best moment of a day is when they are distracted and I can use the bathroom alone. Normally they use my toilet time as an opportunity to come tell me about their day, complain about my cooking, complain about each other.

Showers aren’t safe either. Ever had to break up a fight while covered in soap? I have.

Children have limited boundaries regarding personal space and its okay. So as aggravating as it is, I deal with it, because in a few years they won’t want to be near me and I’ll admit I will be a little lonely.

Bravery or at least the pretense of bravery

Never in my life have I been more scared. The world is a cruel, scary place and if I had the ability I would hide my precious, gentle, sweet, little angels in a bubble where their feelings would never get hurt.

Unfortunately, I cannot protect them from everything and I have learned to put on an extremely brave face. When I dropped my daughter off to primary school for her first day, I thought I was going to vomit.

I knew if I broke, so would she. So I pumped some Lizzio on the radio, amped her up, dropped her off and cried the whole way home.

When my son was sick as a baby and had to spend a week on intravenous antibiotics, going back and forth to Mt Hope, I sucked up my panic and replaced it with smiles and tickles as doctors poked and prodded him.

The fact is my kids look to me to give them bravery, and truthfully I am scared 99.9% of the time. So I have learned to fake it. If they need me to be brave for them, then lord help me I am going to Hulk out and be the super hero they need.

 

 

The endlessness of love

Fun fact, I do not always like my kids. Sometimes I just want to jump in my car and get the hell out of dodge.

But no matter how much buttons they push, no matter how stubborn they can be, no matter how much we fight, I love them endlessly.

The love I have for them is unquantifiable. It cannot be measured. There is nothing I will not do for my children and trust me there is nothing scarier than a mother fighting for her children out of love.

Being a mother has aged me, it has enriched me and frankly it has helped make me a way better person. It’s a 24/7 job with no pay, no thanks. It is messy, ugly and tear-filled. But it is also beautiful, magical, full of love and totally worth it.

To all the mothers out there who are tired, overwhelmed, annoyed and hiding while eating a snack, Happy Mother’s Day!  You’re a champion and today may you get to use the bathroom alone!