‘We need to act as a village. No more sipping water and minding our business’
By Alicia Chamely
I live in a rather amazing little valley. It’s a wild mixture of races, cultures and socio-economic standing.
There are also a bizarre number of mango trees, I mean there are mangoes everywhere. It’s peaceful and other than the one household somewhere in the valley that holds regular karaoke sessions, it’s quiet.
Well, mostly quiet. Sound carries in a valley; it echoes and reverberates. So, when there is the rare bacchanal somewhere in the valley, hillside dwellers such as me get an ear full.
One night during the Covid lockdown, sitting on my porch, the valley’s silence was pierced by the roar of an angry woman. Maco here scanned the valley through the darkness to figure out what the hell was happening.
Directly across the valley, on a steep hillside street, it appeared that every resident had gathered outside of one house.
I can’t give all the details, but this is what I gathered, Trevor who is “rude and disrespectful” decided to pelt a hand at his lady. His lady’s adult daughter was having none of that, so she and the troops came to confront Trevor. Between the shouting and the occasional sound of busting glass, it was clear Trevor was on the losing end of the fight.
At the end of it, I watched the silhouette of a small man leave the house and stumble down the hill as the residents watched. Once he was gone, they all went back home.
I am not sure what happened to Trevor that night, but I will tell you this, I am sure to this day he won’t raise his voice far less his hand at another woman.
Now I am not encouraging vigilante justice or self-help when it comes to matters of domestic violence, but what impressed me in that situation was the victim’s “village”.
They knew what was going on, confronted the abuser and stood guard until he had left the area.
This week, three women were murdered at the hands of people they knew. They made reports to the police and friends and family members were aware.
I wonder if these women would have been alive had they had a village like Trevor’s now ex-girlfriend?
Let’s be frank, a restraining order is useless in Trinidad and Tobago, a piece of paper is not going to keep a perpetrator away:
By the time police arrive, he or she has bounced; and
If they do get caught by the police, they’ll get a fine, maybe a night or two in jail, bail if they are arrested.
A proper system needs to be put into legislation where victims of domestic violence are relocated to safe houses, perpetrators are charged, not warned and if get they bail, they should have to wear one of those lovely tracking devices.
We need to act as a village. No more sipping water and minding our business.
Be like Trevor’s ex-girlfriend’s village and do something. Again, I am not saying what happened across the valley was the correct thing to do, but be the one to call the police, be the one to talk to the victim, and help him or her find the resources to escape.
Do not be the person on the news when someone is dead saying, “Well I used to hear he beating she, but I eh want to get involved in nobody business” or “I tell she to leave, but she eh listen,” yeah because escaping an abuser is totally easy to do on your own and all you need is your neighbour to suggest it. Steups.
Also, the village of the abuser needs to stop defending him or her. I once was privy to a story where a man was beating his wife, a neighbour jumped the wall to help the wife, the man threatened the neighbour with a gun, so the neighbour ran home to call the police. By the time the neighbour picked up the phone, the abuser had left his house and his entire family was outside begging the neighbour not to call the police because their son/nephew/friend had a warrant (for domestic assault) and would go to jail.
You see this type of foolishness… not today!
We need to be a village; we need to push our lawmakers to make the laws and amendments to existing laws to protect victims of domestic violence a priority. We need to help those around us, we need to educate ourselves and others on how to handle situations of domestic violence. We need to be the village.
Commentary: We Need To Be A Village
‘We need to act as a village. No more sipping water and minding our business’
I live in a rather amazing little valley. It’s a wild mixture of races, cultures and socio-economic standing.
There are also a bizarre number of mango trees, I mean there are mangoes everywhere. It’s peaceful and other than the one household somewhere in the valley that holds regular karaoke sessions, it’s quiet.
Well, mostly quiet. Sound carries in a valley; it echoes and reverberates. So, when there is the rare bacchanal somewhere in the valley, hillside dwellers such as me get an ear full.
One night during the Covid lockdown, sitting on my porch, the valley’s silence was pierced by the roar of an angry woman. Maco here scanned the valley through the darkness to figure out what the hell was happening.
Directly across the valley, on a steep hillside street, it appeared that every resident had gathered outside of one house.
I can’t give all the details, but this is what I gathered, Trevor who is “rude and disrespectful” decided to pelt a hand at his lady. His lady’s adult daughter was having none of that, so she and the troops came to confront Trevor. Between the shouting and the occasional sound of busting glass, it was clear Trevor was on the losing end of the fight.
At the end of it, I watched the silhouette of a small man leave the house and stumble down the hill as the residents watched. Once he was gone, they all went back home.
I am not sure what happened to Trevor that night, but I will tell you this, I am sure to this day he won’t raise his voice far less his hand at another woman.
Now I am not encouraging vigilante justice or self-help when it comes to matters of domestic violence, but what impressed me in that situation was the victim’s “village”.
They knew what was going on, confronted the abuser and stood guard until he had left the area.
This week, three women were murdered at the hands of people they knew. They made reports to the police and friends and family members were aware.
I wonder if these women would have been alive had they had a village like Trevor’s now ex-girlfriend?
Let’s be frank, a restraining order is useless in Trinidad and Tobago, a piece of paper is not going to keep a perpetrator away:
A proper system needs to be put into legislation where victims of domestic violence are relocated to safe houses, perpetrators are charged, not warned and if get they bail, they should have to wear one of those lovely tracking devices.
We need to act as a village. No more sipping water and minding our business.
Be like Trevor’s ex-girlfriend’s village and do something. Again, I am not saying what happened across the valley was the correct thing to do, but be the one to call the police, be the one to talk to the victim, and help him or her find the resources to escape.
Do not be the person on the news when someone is dead saying, “Well I used to hear he beating she, but I eh want to get involved in nobody business” or “I tell she to leave, but she eh listen,” yeah because escaping an abuser is totally easy to do on your own and all you need is your neighbour to suggest it. Steups.
Also, the village of the abuser needs to stop defending him or her. I once was privy to a story where a man was beating his wife, a neighbour jumped the wall to help the wife, the man threatened the neighbour with a gun, so the neighbour ran home to call the police. By the time the neighbour picked up the phone, the abuser had left his house and his entire family was outside begging the neighbour not to call the police because their son/nephew/friend had a warrant (for domestic assault) and would go to jail.
You see this type of foolishness… not today!
We need to be a village; we need to push our lawmakers to make the laws and amendments to existing laws to protect victims of domestic violence a priority. We need to help those around us, we need to educate ourselves and others on how to handle situations of domestic violence. We need to be the village.